Thinking and Thinking...

Am at the workshop now coz lubby's car DVD player sumthing wrong, so is under repair now and I've got nuthing to do so come to blog.

This morning when I left my house, I met someone in the lift which made me feel down and I dunno how to describe the feeling I am having.

After I moved into the HDB block that I'm leaving in Sec 3 til now, I bumped into my primary 4 form teacher, realising she stays in the same block as me. But I didn't 'acknowledge' her because I'm worried that she doesn't remember who I am or we have got nothing to talk abt or she might not want ppl to know that she was a teacher. But I knew that I am just finding excuse for myself.

Anyway everytime I see her I just treat her like a normal neighbour and didn't go forward and call her. And she also doesn't seem to realise that I was her student before.

Today I saw her at her floor and the lift door open. I was shocked. Or rather stunned. Her upper body including the head is tilted to the right. I dunno if she had a stroke or what. But her face looks normal, her hands can still move, she can still walk, but her upper body are just tilted to one side. She was pushing a marketing trolley and had difficulty walking into the lift. Another neighbour helped her and asked her what happened to her but I was listening to music and not able to hear anything. By the time I pull out my earpiece I can only hear 'nowadays medical are very advanced so no worry. Must go for therapy.'

Then when we reached the first floor, I overheard their conversation. My former teacher pushed the marketing trolley not coz she wanna go market but coz she just need some form of support.

Then I feel bad for not 'acknowleging' her. But if I go say hi to her now isn't it weird too..

And I'm feeling down after I saw her. She is always very very thin and has hunch back and she is a bit weird to me. But I nv tot that she will become like this.

Life is so fragile. We really dunno what will happen to us, to our loved ones, to our friends, or to all the passerbys in our life the next minute.

Also health is so important. Illness come without warning. We can nv predict when we will be sick too.

Suddenly I remember the scene from Ghost of Girlfriends' Past, where there was no1 to attend the main character's funeral. And then I think, when I die, will I have any friends to attend my funeral? Maybe I will still have a few people to come, but will there be a lot? Somehow at some pt of time, I just feel that I have no friends, really close friends. And I'm not someone who will take the initiative to say hi to strangers and get to know them. Sometimes I will even keep myself away from them. For some stupid reasons like worry people heck care me, worry this worry that , scared to be paiseh etc.

I think it's time for me to open myself up more to everyone ard me. Though I know it will be hard, but I guess I just got to try.

Jia you!